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In Between Misery & Apathy

by Lordis

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1.
Dead Drop 03:04
Dead Drop You ever feel the will of your soul die? It’s not something you second guess. Your body aches, your spine shakes. The eyes you once had have changed. The shadow takes place. The shadow takes place. The dark cloud rains. It hangs above, pours and rains. Thunder strikes and lightning shines. Once you see beauty in the dark, you no longer desire the light. The light is once what held you high, but failed you. Your comfort in failure, nothing more than empty vessels. Just like the ones that die for a taste of the way it feels to not be such a fucking waste. A mistake. A waste. But we look up to the sky. To only see black. The same comfort as the dark that lets us relax. Relax in our disaster filled lives. Breathing in the air of the filth, the wretched who walk the path of the wicked. The weak spine narrow minded life of being worthless. Living a reality with no fucking purpose. With no purpose.
2.
Bad Seed 03:50
Bad Seed Bad seed the bad seed the worst kind of company. Bad seed the bad seed the worst kind of company. Bad seed the bad seed the worst kind of company. Try hard, pathetic. I caved into depression. Gave my all for nothing now I’m stuck in repetition. Open eyes, time to accept I’ve become all I despise. Hollow and cold, meant to be alone. At least that’s how they say it goes. At least that’s how the story goes. Of how I ended up this way. But truth be told, I’m a little uneasy. My minds slipping away, I’m fuckin scared I’m fuckin fading. Fuck it. I’m the Bad Seed, I’m the worst of kind of company. Bad seed. Bad seed. The worst kind of company. A product of my own hatred, my own failures, my own problems. Psychologically I’m spent. Emotionless train wreck. Taking all that I can’t give. Slowly waiting life to call it quits. Turn the light out on me. Let me see the reapers blade. Cause I’m the burden now. Used to hold em all up now I’m just a let down. I’m trying to keep my self whole again. But I’m splitting at the seams. I’m becoming my own worst enemy. Thought life had my back. But I clearly fucking fell for that. I am an the addict, I am the habit maker. I cause problems, because I enjoy it. So here’s my chorus. Thought life had my back, but I clearly fucking fell for that. Let me tell you how miserable I am, living with no purpose. Bad seed, the worst kind of company.
3.
Dreameater 04:36
Dream Eater In my dreams, haunting and torturing me. The same face the same voice. Questioning if I’m ready to die. If Im ready to die. Same face. Same voice. Afraid to close my eyes, in the blackest of the night, a dark individual. Of course it never changes, the villain killing off my own name. Death is what you fear, it’s all I ever fucking hear. Time after time, the face burns into my mind, tracing every step that I take. Holding on to my fate. My hate, dream eater judgement bleeds from your eyes. Looking at a man with no plan but to walk blind. Dream eater, judgement bleeds, from your eyes. Looking at a man with no plan but to walk blind. Get out of my head my dreams my head my dreams my head my dreams. Dream eater. Do I deserve death? Dream eater do I deserve death? The same face the same voice. The same face the same voice. All I wanted was to shut myself away, now I’m realizing I made myself insane. All I wanted was to shut myself away, now I’m realizing I made myself insane. Dream eater, why me? Dream eater, why me?
4.
I walk through life alone. Emotionally abuse the ones I love. Selfish emerald serpent. You're only happy when I’m fucking drowning. But I’ve become addicted to self inflicted agony. Lies I weave keep me occupied. From the fact that I’m living proof of what your demons really do to you. Let me borrow your affection, simply put. I don’t give a fuck, life just sucks, when no one cares for your love. Your love. Every time we start to feel, I pull myself away, it’s always the same. I continue to believe, people only want a part of me. I’ve been losin myself, I don’t need any help. Let me borrow your affection, simply put. I don’t give a fuck, life just sucks, when no one cares for your love. But really I’m putting holes in your heart. I don’t give a fuck, life’s been telling me that I’m wasting my time, my love. No one wants to really see, an emerald eyed serpent. Sinking in their teeth. Emerald eyed. Serpent. Lips as cold as ice. I feel my soul, rip from my body. Every time. Let me borrow your affection simply put. I don’t give a fuck, life just sucks when no one cares for your love. Let me borrow your affection simply put. I don’t give a fuck, life just sucks when no one cares for your love. Your love. Your love
5.
Dead Beat King Slave to the bottle, the needle, and your pride. Dragged to the gutter I was put here to stay. A reflection of the man that I never became. Cowards die young, no questions asked, I fucking get it. But how do I survive with these people pleasing, disgusting habits. Would you to be ashamed to know me? Shun me like I’m not even family. One lost soul, wearing the crown, like some kind of saint. Tainted decisions, intertwined with lies and deceit. Dead Beat King. Six feet deep and you still manage to fuck with me Can’t keep level headed, fully upsetting the balance of my mentality. Left to climb mountains with no guide. Slave to the bottle, the needle, and your pride. You selfish fuck, I hope you're rotting. Knowing damn well no one needs you. Slave to the bottle, the needle, and your pride. Alex: There’s a hole in my soul where you should fucking be. Cause eighteen years have passed and I’m still underneath. All these fucking expectations that you left for me. Our blood is the same, but I don’t speak your name. I don’t speak your fucking name. Cause I can’t stand the way that it tastes. Deadbeat king. I try and forget. Just as the same as when you forgot me. I don’t speak your name. Because I can’t stand the way it tastes.
6.
Consume Me By Night From the depths I hear my name in shrieks. From the depths I hear my name in shrieks. It’s always the dark. Enticing me to stay. Evade sleep, evade dreams. How long can I be away? Isolated within in the walls of the mind. Burdened with thoughts of my demise. Shadows dance and mesmerize, they consume me by night. Engulf in me in flames of shame, fill my icy veins With life again. The devils dancing in my dreams. Pulling me down deep, to sacrifice my pain and misery. Deaths sweet embrace, as silence, surrounds me. My minds at ease. Lay me to sleep. Shadows dance and mesmerize, they consume me by night. Engulf me in flames of shame. No remorse. When you're just a rotting corpse. No fucking remorse. No remorse. No remorse when you're just a rotting corpse. Let the shade be my guide. I accept this path of life. Drown me in the night. Show my soul, no mercy, awaken me to the fright. Let the shade be my guide. Show my soul no mercy tonight. Let the shade be my guide. Show my soul no mercy tonight.
7.
Hope or Death Life’s no longer black and white. Grey’s all that consumes me. Individually nothing, I’m alone in my head to see through the eyes of the dead. Raised by the casket, my minds complete havoc. My worlds crashing and I’m only laughing. But I’m the one whose supposed to rise above. But the bastard son always gets the shit luck. I am no longer who I was, I am no one. Everything is getting worse and I can’t seem to cope with it. This could be the end of me, it’s just not worth the fight. The voices in my head say to turn out the fucking light. Castaway. Hope or death, always stuck in between. Hope or death, always stuck in between. The darkness, has touched my heart, brought me right back to the start. When my life turned to hell. Beat me down, bury me now. Constantly conflicting, piss poor personality, decision making fiend, you were always part of me. Dragging me to the depths of sin, making myself embarrassed to live. Why the fuck am I stuck here on my own? Treading life with no hope. Why fuck am I stuck here on my own? Misery and apathy together in depressing matrimony. This is me, the grey medium. This is me, the grey medium. This is me. The grey.
8.
The Dance of Black and White We are the shamed. We are the shamed. Honestly I’m feeling run down. The pain of absence is becoming regret somehow. Honestly I’m feeling run down. The pain of absence is becoming regret somehow. Creating problems that don’t exist. Filling the void with it. Cloaked by the reaper, my bones start to shiver. The cold dark calls my name, pulls me in with its whispers. Cloaked by the reaper. Pulled in by the darks whispers. We make the mistakes. We are the shamed. Human filth is all we ever became. Human filth is all we had to our name. Human filth. It’s all we ever felt. I’m perfectly disordered. It’s like I can’t breathe. I can’t bleed. I fear no death. Just my own evil. I fear myself. Assuming the worst is all I ever do, it’s taking the place of pulling through. Assuming the worst is all I ever do, it’s taking the place of pulling through. The place of pulling through. I understand it’s the dance of black and white. I understand it’s the dance of black and white. We make the mistakes. We are the ashamed. Human filth is all we ever became. Human filth is all we had to our name. Hope and death. Laid to rest.
9.
Overwhelmed by disappointment. Breaking under the weight of my poison. My concentration is jaded. My whole worlds breaking. I'm never sober, I'm always fucked up. still I blame shit on bad luck. I hang my head in shame, it's the only way I know how to cope with life's sick little games. Disgusting fucking filth. I'm embarrassed of myself. I plead to the dark. Consume my heart. Crushing anxiety. Worthless mentality. The reapers cold grip on my reality. Ive been locked away. Times slipped and made me see. Times slipped and made me see, I'm locked inside to live this way. Stressed till death I curse these thoughts. Leave me here to fucking rot. Disgusting fucking filth. I'm embarrassed of myself. I plead to the dark. Consume my heart. Disgusting fucking filth. My shadow haunts me. Refuses to let me breathe. Forget the memories, the past is not me. I never wanted to feel empty inside. But there were things within me that needed to die. I'm giving up. I'm giving up. I'm locked away. Doomed to face my own fate. Dead eyes. Dead soul. Dead mind. I've tried and tried.

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"Hope & Death laid to rest"

credits

released July 27, 2018

Mixed/Mastered by Cody Stewart

Artwork by Mason Starkey

Music & lyrics by Mike Clampitt/ Brandon Thomas

Lordis is:
Brandon Thomas - Vocals
Mike Clampitt - Guitar
Todd Daugherty - Bass
Dylan Turner - Guitar
Jeremy Torres - Drums

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